God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
