i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
