She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
