So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
