Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
