Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
