Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
