So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
