Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
