So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
