Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i've created a new STD.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
