Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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