Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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