are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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