They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
