i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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