Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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