i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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