I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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