I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
