i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
