my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
