Me. At least after what I've been through.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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