Just fell off a train. Bad.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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