I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
