i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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