Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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