If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone shit on the floor
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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