I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
