my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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