and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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