theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
