Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
