im holly from the hills drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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