addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
