so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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