I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
