It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
