Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
