I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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