Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
pray to the hookup gods
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
