My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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