I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
