the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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