My cat gives me a boner
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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