Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
