Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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