dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
