No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone shattered a urinal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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