I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
