The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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