ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
