go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
