He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
