Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
