i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
