my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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