Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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