I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
