That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize