Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
