you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
