she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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