There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
