It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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