Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
