Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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