peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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