jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
