this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
