apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
