you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
