: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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